He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
