Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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