One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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