i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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