I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
