During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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