Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
is it fun? or sober?
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