I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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