this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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