Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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