physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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