the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
