I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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