I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
