He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
