i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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