They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
