What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
