I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
