dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
