At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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