You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
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