I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
