I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
