Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
