well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
