I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
