On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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