I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
