if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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