I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
