no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
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