Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Randomize
