what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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