i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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