It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
