We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I look better un-naked...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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