It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
