dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
