Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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