I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
