I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
