How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
