Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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