If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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