So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
