I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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