i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
