if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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