There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
