I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I am naked and annoyed.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
