Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
