You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
