Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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