i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So vagazzling was a success
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
