Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
