I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
