But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
