Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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