tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
