she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
