They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
