My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
