Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
