Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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