OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
