Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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